How to Convince Your Partner to Go to Couples Therapy

Navigating relationship challenges can be difficult, especially when one partner feels ready to seek professional help, and the other does not. If you're considering couples therapy but your partner is hesitant, you're not alone — and you're not at a dead end.

Convincing your partner to try therapy doesn’t mean coercing them. It’s about creating space for honest dialogue, reducing fear, and fostering mutual understanding.

Here are some thoughtful ways to approach the conversation:

1. Choose the Right Time and Setting

Avoid bringing up therapy during an argument or emotionally charged moment. Instead, find a calm, private time to talk — perhaps during a walk, over dinner, or at home during a quiet evening. A peaceful setting allows both of you to feel less defensive and more open to discussion.

2. Use “I” Statements, Not “You” Accusations

Start by expressing your own feelings rather than pointing fingers.

❌ “You never listen, that’s why we need therapy.” ✅ “I’ve been feeling distant lately, and I think therapy could help us reconnect.”

This keeps the tone constructive and shows you’re looking for shared solutions rather than assigning blame.

3. Emphasise the Positive Goals

Many people view therapy as a sign that something is “broken”. Reframe it as a proactive step to strengthen your relationship.

You could say:

“It’s not about fixing you or me. I see it as a way for us to grow together and understand each other better.”

4. Address Common Fears

Your partner might be worried about being judged, blamed, or exposed. Reassure them that therapy is a safe, neutral space — not a courtroom. A good therapist supports both partners equally.

If your partner says:

“I don’t want to air our dirty laundry to a stranger.”

You could respond:

“That’s understandable. A therapist’s job isn’t to take sides — it’s to help us communicate and listen more effectively.”

5. Offer to Do the Research Together

Sometimes resistance comes from not knowing what to expect. Look at therapists' websites together, read reviews, or even offer to attend an initial session together “just to see how it feels”. Starting with a short commitment — like three sessions — can ease the pressure.

6. Highlight What’s at Stake (Gently)

Without making ultimatums, it’s okay to be honest about the importance of therapy for you.

“This relationship means so much to me, and I feel like couples therapy could give us a better chance at lasting happiness. I hope you’ll consider it with me.”

Let your partner know you’re invested — and hopeful.

7. Be Patient and Keep the Conversation Open

If your partner isn’t ready right away, don’t push too hard. Pressuring can backfire. Instead, keep the conversation open, revisit it later, and express appreciation for their willingness to consider your feelings.

Sometimes, reading articles or listening to podcasts together about relationships or therapy can gradually warm them to the idea.

Couples therapy isn't a sign of failure — it's an act of care, courage, and commitment. If you're ready but your partner isn’t there yet, that doesn’t mean they won’t come around. Stay respectful, keep communicating, and stay calm.

If you’d like professional guidance on how to start the process or find the right therapist, please get in touch.